Is it worth keeping a family for the sake of a child

Of course, listening to the sounds of Mendelssohn's march, any person dreams of creating a strong, friendly family - just once and for life. But, unfortunately, not everyone succeeds in meeting their love and living with it until the end of their days. Time passes and marriages, even the "strongest" ones, fall apart. People file for divorce and start life from scratch. It would seem that everything is very simple, but ... The situation with divorce is much more complicated in those families where children are growing up. Parents do not care, one way or another, they have to think about them.

To save a family for the sake of a child: all the pros and cons

An indispensable condition for the harmonious development of the baby and his feelings of complete happiness is a family where there is a loving mom and dad. So what do you do? Live with an unloved person for the sake of children, or still part, despite the experiences of the kids? In fact, this question is, in fact, most often asked by women - and not because they love their children more or worry more about them than men - according to statistics, in 90% of cases, children stay with their mother during a divorce. Therefore, it is the mother who has to think about how to live on not only for herself, but also for her children.

Every woman thinks long enough whether to divorce her - the reason for these reflections can be: the presence of property in common with her husband and material benefits that she would not want to "share" or "lose." Often a woman simply has nowhere to go after a divorce - so she tries to "put up" with the situation. Another reason why a woman postpones the decision to divorce for a long time is the fear of loneliness - this stereotype created by more than one generation of our mothers and grandmothers (no one needs a “divorcee” with a child - a tail) makes a woman still endure a hateful husband. Another belief - a child is better off in a "complete" family - at least some, but he has a father - also influences a woman's decision. But it also happens that in a woman's life there comes a moment when all of the above beliefs and excuses simply stop "working" - then the desire to become independent "outweighs" the desire to become independent, there is confidence in the correctness of the decision to divorce. If love "died" - there is no point in torturing yourself further, and the child will be better off living in peace than witnessing constant quarrels and scandals on the part of the mother and father - this is what every mother thinks and boldly goes to file for divorce.

Probably, to the question of preserving the family for the sake of the kids, one can give only one, unequivocal answer: not worth it. After all, the atmosphere in the family, especially negative, constant scandals and quarrels, which cannot be avoided by spouses who cannot find a common language, also affect the child - such relationships become painful for everyone. It often happens that the child, even unconsciously, takes the blame for the discord between the parents on himself - after all, the parents, one way or another, provoke the baby to this - they live with each other for him and suffer, but they could divorce and arrange their own personal life. Everyone would only be better ... And, although this is often not said aloud, the child feels these non-verbal messages subconsciously. The result is three crippled fates, and all because of the stereotype - for the sake of the happiness of children, parents are obliged to make any sacrifices!

Of course, there is an option when the preservation of the family for the sake of the child is really necessary. Indeed, in the life of every married couple there comes a moment of "cooling" of feelings. Then the relationship between husband and wife becomes somewhat different: they continue to live together, but no longer experience the same emotions. During such periods, both husband and wife may even try to seek their happiness on the side. And it is in such a situation that the thought that there is a child, that the actions of adults can traumatize him, often stops parents, forcing them to look differently at themselves and at the family ...

When keeping a family is already pointless

Sometimes there comes a moment when a loved one once becomes the cause of not only irritation, but also anger. The reason for such an attitude may be some actions on the part of the spouse - the person drinks: he simply does not come out of the binge, absolutely not intending to change or save anything. After all, it has long been known that building any kind of relationship with an alcoholic or striving to improve it is a dead-end path. Or one more, really unacceptable, behavior - when the husband beats either his wife or children. In such a family, there is no longer any talk of good relations, mutual understanding and love - definitely, there is nothing to save there, unless the woman accepts the role of "victim" - I will endure everything for the sake of children. But even such a position would be wrong, because it is the victims who are beaten the most.

I would also like to say about the role of infidelity in the relationship between spouses - in some cases, the "other" half even agree to accept such a situation, and the point here is not at all in the child. After all, it has been known for a long time: if a person who was initially tuned in to the family suddenly begins to change, then this is a clear sign that something in the family itself has ceased to "suit" him. Therefore, in some cases, especially when at least one of the spouses has feelings, they try to somehow "resolve" the situation with betrayal, trying to improve relations in the family.

Saving a family for the sake of a child: the opinion of a psychologist

In the late 1980s, the well-known child psychotherapist Helmut Figdor spent several years researching the life of about a hundred families before and after divorce. As a result of these studies, the author's book "Children of Divorced Parents: Between Trauma and Hope" was even published - a rather clear and rather harsh "truth of life" - there is not a single child who does not suffer from the divorce of parents, NOT ONE. Parents who claim that everything is in order and their baby absolutely calmly endured the separation of their parents simply do not know how, or they simply do not want to notice the consequences and appreciate the full depth of the tragedy of a child who suddenly loses one of his beloved parents.