"Thunder from a Clear Sky": a crisis in a relationship

An ideal family life can only be in women's novels. Real life is filled not only with joys, but also quarrels, grievances, which often lead to misunderstandings between spouses, leading to family crises. Almost all married couples experience them to one degree or another, but some get divorced, while others find ways to solve problems, bring relations to a new stage of development.

Family crises

The main symptoms of the approaching crisis are:

• The presence of a large number of quarrels, or their complete absence.

• Disagreement of opinions on any issue results in an unconstructive quarrel, when partners do not want to listen to each other's opinions.
• The spouse is removed from participation in solving everyday problems, focuses on his inner world.
• Important decisions are made without the participation of a second partner.
• There is evasion of sex on the part of one or both spouses.
• In the process of communication, defensive-aggressive reactions prevail.
• The presence of family problems leads to the fact that the woman ceases to take care of herself, loses feminine attractiveness.
• The spouse's workaholism is increasing. A partner who does not have sufficient authority in the family often asserts himself at work.

The presence of at least 3-5 symptoms gives reason to think about the approach of a crisis in a relationship.

Causes of family crises

At the same time, there are many reasons for the deterioration of relations; for each family, the main one may be one or a combination of several.

1. Having financial problems, especially when one of the spouses loses their job or is demoted.
2. Occurs adultery, explicit or hidden, when there is no factual evidence, but one of the partners is tormented by suspicion and jealousy.
3. The appearance of children or impossibility to have them is also often the cause of family crisis. Problems are most likely to arise in those families where one of the spouses wants children, and the other prefers to have fun and live for himself. Physiological reproductive problems cause pity from others and loved ones.
4. Decreased libido and cooling of feelings on the part of one or both spouses.
5. Monotony, boredom, lack of change, flirting, entertainment. At the same time, no partner is making efforts to change the situation.
6. An internal crisis in one of the spouses. This reason is the most difficult, since the real prerequisites for depression no, but the partner cannot find harmony with himself.

Family ties, differences in upbringing and religion can also affect family relationships.

Relationship crisis over the years

Family life crises occur at regular intervals.

The crisis of the 1st year of life together is caused by the need to adapt to the habits, characteristics of the spouse's character. There are disagreements about the management of the family budget, the importance of spending. If the biological rhythms, work schedules of the spouses do not coincide, this can cause quarrels. The upbringing, foundations in his parental home have a great influence on the behavior of the partner at home. The crisis is easily experienced when there are feelings between the spouses, the desire to continue living together.

The crisis of the first-born occurs at 2-3 years of marriage, caused by a woman's pregnancy and the birth of a baby. The wife is completely absorbed in caring for the child, often experiencing postpartum depression. The spouse feels a lack of attention and female affection, the likelihood of betrayal increases, the wife is jealous. If both parents are psychologically ready for the appearance of a child, then the crisis may not come. But, in the case when at least one spouse is not ready to put the baby's priorities above his own, complete destruction of the family and divorce is possible.

A return crisis may arise in the 5th year of living together, after the spouse leaves maternity leave to work. She is faced with the task of combining professional activities and performing all the usual household duties, raising and caring for a child. After going to work, the spouse experiences an emotional upsurge, the need for new impressions, and office romances are possible. If the spouse is attentive, takes on some of the responsibilities, then it will not be difficult to survive the crisis.

The crisis of monotony occurs at the 7th year of marriage. Well-established family life, usual leisure, boring intimate relationships - all this does not bring joy. Partners start looking for thrills on the side. For men, casual relationships give vivid emotions, but he does not take them seriously. With the likelihood of the disclosure of novels, they quickly stop intrigues, cherish the family and the efforts spent on its creation. Flirting makes women feel attractive. If partners want to save the family, then they need to fight monotony together, value the family and common children.

The crisis in the forties begins at the age of 14. It is the most important crisis when partners are financially independent of each other, children have grown up and are not a deterrent to divorce. Emotional stagnation begins in the family, intimate relationships cease. In women, menopause is approaching, sensitivity and irritability increase. Men are afraid of old age and find solace in the arms of young mistresses. Many leave the family and marry young people or constantly change partners. Spouses will be able to stay together only with joint efforts, the desire to re-interest the partner.

The crisis of an empty nest occurs after 20-25 years of marriage. Children have matured and live separately, their life is adjusted. There are practically no joint hobbies and interests. New joint affairs and hobbies will help to survive the crisis.

Relationship crisis: how to be

Regardless of the type of crisis a couple is experiencing, it can be considered the driving force behind family development. Having experienced difficulties, spouses change, relations are brought to the next level of development. In order to make it easier to get through a difficult period, you need to use the following rules:

• Efforts must be made to understand and hear your partner. Even if you don't like his behavior, and you see no reason, ask him about it.
• Do not educate your spouse or openly criticize his behavior. Until he is able to hear you. Depression is often the result of poor lifestyles that cannot be changed quickly.
• Try not to insist on anything, it is better to leave your partner alone for a while, especially in the intimate sphere.
• Think about how you can really help to improve your spouse's mood: a walk in the park, going to the cinema, buying a long-awaited gift, extreme entertainment.
• Do not sacrifice your desires for the sake of your partner, and if you still give up something, then do not expect gratitude, and do not do a favor out of the event.

If the cause of the crisis lies in your depression, then you need to realize and accept this fact. Then find a few days to rest, search for inner harmony. Do not rush yourself to start new businesses. Any crisis can be overcome together by accepting and solving problems.

Psychological advice: relationship crisis

To avoid the most negative outcome of the family crisis - divorce, psychologists recommend not only resigning ourselves and enduring the negative, but trying to glue family life together and make it happy.

• It is impossible to be silent. Only by talking to each other can one express desires, resentments, without using insults, find ways to solve problems.
• You have to make compromises. Living together shouldn't be competition or competition.
• You have to be a reasonable egoist. Only by developing and enjoying life can you remain interesting to yourself and your partner.
• You need to learn to ask for forgiveness and to forgive.

Look for individual solutions, don't live by templates. Each family is individual, and each couple needs to find a solution to their problems. Change the habitual foundations and change yourself.