“A bolt from the blue”: a crisis in relationships

An ideal family life can only be found in women's novels. Real life is filled not only with joys, but also with quarrels and grievances, which often result in misunderstandings between spouses, leading to family crises. Almost all married couples experience them to one degree or another, but some get divorced, while others find ways to solve problems and take relationships to a new stage of development.

Family crises

The main symptoms of the approaching crisis are:

• The presence of a large number of quarrels, or their complete absence.

• A difference of opinion on any issue results in an unconstructive quarrel when partners do not want to listen to each other’s opinions.
• The spouse withdraws from participation in solving everyday problems and focuses on his inner world.
• Important decisions are made without the participation of the second partner.
• Avoidance of sex occurs on the part of one or both spouses.
• In the process of communication, defensive-aggressive reactions predominate.
• The presence of family problems leads to the fact that a woman stops taking care of herself, loses feminine attractiveness.
• The workaholism of the spouse increases. A partner who does not have sufficient authority in the family often asserts himself at work.

The presence of at least 3-5 symptoms gives reason to think about an approaching crisis in the relationship.

Causes of family crises

At the same time, there are many reasons for the deterioration of relationships; for each family the main one can be one or a combination of several.

1. The presence of financial problems, especially when one of the spouses loses their job or is demoted.
2. Takes place adultery, explicit or hidden, when there is no factual evidence, but one of the partners is tormented by suspicion and jealousy.
3. Having children or inability to have them is also often the cause of a family crisis. Problems are most likely to arise in families where one spouse wants children, while the other prefers to have fun and live for himself. Physiological problems with reproduction become a cause of pity from others and loved ones.
4. Decreased libido and cooling of feelings on the part of one or both spouses.
5. Monotony, boredom, lack of change, flirting, entertainment. At the same time, neither partner makes any effort to change the situation.
6. An internal crisis in one of the spouses. This reason is the most difficult, since there are no real prerequisites for depression no, but the partner cannot find harmony with himself.

Family ties, differences in upbringing, and religion can also influence family relationships.

Crisis in relationships by year

Crises in family life arise with a certain frequency.

The crisis of the 1st year of marriage is caused by the need to adapt to the habits and character traits of the spouse. Disagreements arise regarding the management of the family budget and the importance of spending. If the biological rhythms and work schedules of the spouses do not coincide, this can cause quarrels. Upbringing and the foundations in his parental home have a great influence on a partner’s behavior at home. A crisis is easily experienced if there are feelings between spouses and a desire to continue living together.

The crisis of the first child occurs in the 2-3rd year of marriage, caused by a woman’s pregnancy and the birth of a baby. The wife is completely absorbed in caring for the child and often experiences postpartum depression. Spouse feels lack of attention and female affection, the likelihood of cheating increases, the wife is jealous. If both parents are psychologically prepared for the birth of a child, then a crisis may not occur. But, in the case when at least one spouse is not ready to put the baby’s priorities above their own, complete destruction of the family and divorce are possible.

A return crisis may arise in the 5th year of marriage, after the wife returns to work from maternity leave. She is faced with the task of combining professional activities and performing all the usual household duties, raising and caring for a child. After returning to work, the spouse experiences an emotional upsurge, a need for new experiences, and office romances may arise. If the spouse is attentive and takes on some of the responsibilities, then it will not be difficult to survive the crisis.

The crisis of monotony occurs in the 7th year of marriage. An established family life, usual leisure time, boring intimate relationships - all this does not bring joy. Partners begin to look for thrills on the side. For men, casual relationships give vivid emotions, but he does not take them seriously. If the novels are likely to be revealed, they quickly stop the affairs and value their family and the efforts spent on its creation. Flirting makes women feel attractive. If partners want to save the family, then they need to fight monotony together, value family and common children.

The crisis of forty-year-olds begins in the 14th year of marriage. The most important crisis is when the partners are not financially dependent on each other, the children have grown up and are not a deterrent to divorce. Emotional stagnation begins in the family, intimate relationships cease. Women are approaching menopause, sensitivity and irritability increase. Men are afraid of old age and find solace in the arms of young lovers. Many leave their families and marry young people or constantly change partners. Spouses will be able to stay together only through joint efforts and the desire to re-interest their partner.

The empty nest crisis occurs after 20-25 years of marriage. The children have grown up and live separately, their life is settled. There are practically no common hobbies and interests. New joint activities and hobbies will help you survive the crisis.

Crisis in a relationship: what to do

Regardless of the type of crisis a couple is going through, it can be considered a driving force for family development. Experiencing difficulties, spouses change, relationships are taken to the next level of development. To make it easier to survive a difficult period, you need to use the following rules:

• It is necessary to make an effort to understand and hear your partner. Even if you don’t like his behavior and you don’t see the reasons, ask him about it.
• You should not discipline your spouse or openly criticize his behavior. Until he is able to hear you. Depression is often the result of poor lifestyle choices that cannot be changed quickly.
• Try not to insist on anything; it is better to leave your partner alone for a while, especially in the intimate sphere.
• Think about how you can really help improve your spouse’s mood: a walk in the park, a trip to the cinema, buying a long-awaited gift, extreme entertainment.
• Do not sacrifice your desires for the sake of your partner, and if you still refuse something, then do not expect gratitude, and do not make a favor out of the event.

If the cause of the crisis lies in your depression, then you need to realize and accept this fact. Then find a few days to relax and search for inner harmony. Don't rush yourself to start new things. Any crisis can be overcome together by accepting and solving problems.

Advice from psychologists: crisis in relationships

To avoid the most negative outcome of a family crisis - divorce, psychologists recommend not only resigning yourself and tolerating negativity, but trying to glue family life together and make it happy.

• You can't be silent. Only by talking to each other can we express desires, grievances, without using insults, and find ways to solve problems.
• We need to make compromises. Life together should not be a competition or competition.
• You need to be a reasonable egoist. Only by developing and enjoying life can you remain interesting to yourself and your partner.
• You need to learn to ask for forgiveness and forgive.

Look for individual solutions, don’t live by templates. Each family is individual, and each couple needs to find their own solution to problems. Change the usual foundations and change yourself.