Home Psychology Relations "Like ships at sea": divorce

According to statistics, every fifth marriage ends in divorce. Often, the decision to break up is made as a result of years of discontent, but there are families who break up due to stupid quarrels and petty grievances. At the same time, the spouses' thoughts about the future do not have a clear picture, but the fact that the partner does not belong in it is decided for sure.

Reasons for divorce

The most common causes of divorce are:

  1. Adultery. Both husband and wife can find a hobby on the side. A one-time hobby in men rarely becomes a reason for divorce, especially if he hides it from his wife. When infidelity becomes regular or falls in love, the man may ask for a divorce. A woman cheats not only physically, but also emotionally. A new affection for her can also sometimes become more important than her family.
  2. Fading passion and emotional decline. After marriage, the initial love goes away, everyday problems appear. Spouses begin to see each other's shortcomings. and seek entertainment outside of the family. 1
  3. The appearance of the child. All the spouse's attention turns to the baby, the spouse feels unloved. Disagreements tend to alienate partners. Sometimes the husband forces her to make a choice, and the woman is left alone with the child.
  4. One of the partners devotes too much time to work. The other spouse begins to feel lonely, uninteresting, even if the reason for the spouse's workaholism is family financial problems.
  5. Housing problems when the family lives with other relatives. There is practically no opportunity for spouses to be together or be alone. Finances do not allow renting or buying your own home.
  6. Family relations did not work out. The wife can be very attached to her mother, the son-in-law has to put up with the constant advice of the mother-in-law. The opposite situations also happen.
  7. Incompatibility in the sexual sphere. Spouses can be ashamed of their desires, expect the partner to guess about them himself. Or with the departure of love, the desire to please the partner disappears.
  8. Everyday problems. The division of household responsibilities is not always the same. The spouse, getting tired at work, does almost all the chores at home and constantly reproaches the spouse for this. 3
  9. Different dreams and interests. Lack of common activities, friends leads to the fact that everyone lives in their own world. At first, the spouses live like neighbors, then they quietly go their separate ways.
  10. The presence of bad habits. If problems with alcohol or drugs appeared after certain life difficulties, then treatment can still save the marriage. But when a partner refuses to be treated, it is better not to fight for such an alliance.
  11. Struggle for leadership in the family. Everyone is trying to lead a partner, make decisions for him. Problems are not resolved in a compromise way and the family is destroyed.

In addition to the most common problems, divorce can be caused by the spouse's pets, table culture, or even the habit of not brushing your teeth before bed. Each family is individual, but when spouses cannot find solutions to problems, they part.

How to survive a divorce from your husband

The worries of divorce will subside over time, but in the first months it can be very difficult, especially after 5-7 years of marriage. Initially, you need to realize that you are no longer together and from now on each will have their own life. But you shouldn't lock yourself in, the support of friends and family is very important in the first months.

57158616

Do not look for those responsible for what happened and do not blame anyone. There may be many reasons for parting, but now it will not be possible to change the situation. Therefore, accept this fact and start living on.

Small changes in appearance, wardrobe, lifestyle will bring an element of novelty, help to find the strength to move forward. Sign up for a gym, pool, yoga class, or cooking classes. On them you will definitely meet women who are as free as you are. You can spend your leisure time with them, and nothing will remind you of your ex-husband. Some of them may have gone through divorce as well. Their advice and help will be helpful.

How to tell your child about divorce

It is not easy for a child to survive the separation of parents, his familiar world is crumbling, which can cause psychological trauma. 8 Therefore, parents require maximum care, patience and affection for the baby. It is better to inform both parents together about the divorce. So the toddler child will understand that, despite the separation, both parents love him and will participate in his life.

The spouses should discuss in advance how to explain the reason for the divorce, calmly explain with whom the child will live. If the parents constantly swear and cannot calmly be together, then it is better to entrust the conversation to the one to whom the baby often turns for advice and help. Sometimes the help of a child psychologist is required.

2

Experts recommend adhering to the following rules:

  • Be honest and straightforward with your child, but avoid unnecessary details given their age.
  • Prepare the baby that his life will change a lot, he will have to live with one of the parents. But the other will visit him, communicate. Do not make promises for your spouse, if he does not keep them, the baby may lose confidence in you.
  • Explain to your child that he is not the reason for the separation of the parents, even though he did bad things. He should not develop feelings of guilt or false hopes for parental reconciliation.
  • In conversation, do not insult or accuse your husband of the divorce. Otherwise, the child will not believe that normal communication is possible between you and after the divorce. 5
  • Do not show your own negative emotions, tears to children. Their psyche is already suffering, do not aggravate the situation.

Even if you have a lot of grudges against your husband in your soul or he already has a new family, do not forbid him to communicate with children. They are not to blame for the separation and have the right to see their father.

Woman and divorce

Immediately after breaking up, it is difficult to call yourself happy. Divorce proceedings and division of property, stress and pity for children left without a father, and many other reasons for sadness. The first months are better to go headlong into work and just wait until the grievances subside. 7

After a couple of months, the joy of a new sense of freedom appears. You can devote more time to yourself and your children, not to stand at the stove all evening and not collect socks around the apartment. Well, if it turns out to restore the nervous system, take a course of massage. But soon the silence begins to crush and a feeling of loneliness appears. Children move away and experience their problems on their own, there is no one to give women's care and attention.

Grievances go away over time, good memories of the moments of happiness and the merits of the spouse remain. The time begins when a woman looks back and begins to reflect on her life. 12 Many delve into psychology, esotericism or religion, which help to find answers to many questions. It is important not to withdraw into yourself completely, but to continue living and go towards new events.

How men deal with divorce

Not only do women find it difficult to experience divorce, men also suffer, although they hide their emotions more carefully. After parting with his wife, a man feels confused, he is not ready for an independent life. 14 Numerous partners do not give the warmth and care to which he is accustomed. You have to independently solve everyday problems, monitor your health, and distribute the budget.

Duties and responsibilities that are boring in marriage now disappear, and emptiness appears. There is no one to listen and console, to help in solving problems, a man begins to realize the full value of family relationships. Loneliness cannot fill fleeting connections, partners are not ready to solve other people's problems, but are waiting for romance and entertainment.

The long-awaited freedom does not bring joy. Excess energy and funds are spent on alcohol, sex, gambling. In marriage, a woman guided a man, and now it is difficult to fight temptations alone. Alcohol allows you to forget, women - to drown out melancholy. 13 Sexual freedom does not bring joy, new partners take care of themselves, do not show tact and attentiveness. This rhythm of life, in addition to being new, requires emotional and financial costs.

After about a year and a half, the man gets tired of his new life, begins to appreciate the stability of the lost family. At this time, many make attempts to return home. Someone enters into a new marriage, but really realizes that the first spouse was better. Psychological counseling and support from friends help to survive the difficult period after divorce. You need to realize past mistakes, and try not to repeat them in the future.

How to live after a divorce from your husband

After breaking up with your spouse, it is important to expand your circle of acquaintances and look for new friends. And here establish relationships with men, just to annoy the ex is not worth it. They won't last long, and a new break will only further lower your self-esteem. Readiness for a relationship comes only after you stop comparing new acquaintances with your ex-husband and evaluate their real merits. Previous relationships must be learned to be perceived as invaluable life experiences.

15

Do not think that a new love can negatively affect your children and your chosen one will not like them. A child is happy when his mother is good. Loneliness cannot be completely brightened up by either new hobbies or girlfriends. Therefore, a new relationship will help fill the void, allow you to experience a new love. The period of getting used to your chosen one and children will end, and harmony in the family will be restored.

Relationships after divorce

Finding a new love, starting a family is quite real. This is confirmed by numerous examples of your friends and acquaintances. Of course, the credibility of the male sex will be diminished. But that doesn't mean you won't build open and honest relationships in the future.

20

Remember that all men are different. The qualities of your spouse that caused the divorce may not be at all inherent in a new friend. But you shouldn't lose your vigilance. Divorced women are often hunted by scammers and gigolos.

If the fear of failure interferes with starting communication, then consult a psychologist. He will help to deal with self-doubt. Remarriage can be happy, but you need to consider the mistakes you've made in the past.

Understanding the reasons for parting, drawing conclusions from past mistakes and going towards new relationships - this is what you can wish for a woman who is going through a divorce from her spouse.

Similar articles

Leave a Reply