Raising children is a delicate matter: rules, advice

Children are our future. And the quality of the future of humanity directly depends on how well a child is raised. It is no secret that recently much less time has been devoted to the issue of education than it was in the time of our grandmothers. Indeed, why bother with educational games if you can send your child to the land of virtual reality. The baby is busy and the parents feel good.

But this approach guarantees that in the future such a child will grow into an inferior unit of society. Today we will tell you how to properly raise your child so that he grows up to be a worthy person.

The role of education

It just seems that raising a child is an empty phrase. Like, he will grow up and figure out what he should be like. Many things need to be laid down in early childhood. Yes, a mature person will decide on her own to be good or evil. But it is much more important to be a worthy person at heart, with a solid set of moral and ethical standards, and to behave with people depending on the situation. What a “moral monster” really is.

In addition, quality education eliminates many personal problems. For example, a person who firmly knows what is right and what is wrong will not reproach himself for a long time for a broken relationship. He will learn his lessons and move on, trying not to make past mistakes.

A well-mannered person has good relationships with society. He knows how to win people over and how to become a leader. Therefore, we can safely conclude that if a child at school is deprived of the attention of his peers, it means there is a lack of some moral quality.

It is worth emphasizing that the best way to raise a child is by example. Take care of your upbringing, improve what you think is missing. And the baby can already learn by looking at his parents. The first social skills create the most powerful effect. And they come from their parents.

Child development

On the contrary, the issue of development is receiving increased attention today. Every mother wants her child to be 3 years old read skillfully, write, knew the multiplication tables and played Bach's works on the piano. Everyone wants a prodigy, but not everyone understands human nature. Super-babies are born in about 1 in a million. And it is impossible to grow it artificially, distorting nature. You can only develop your potential and improve your performance. But it is not realistic to achieve beyond the heights with ordinary opportunities.

This is worth remembering for parents who fill their child’s day to the maximum. Yes, now there are a great many clubs and sections, but this does not mean that the child is obliged to attend them all. You shouldn’t strive to give your baby absolutely everything that you didn’t have in your childhood.

Children whose working day does not have a “window” for simple children’s pranks and games, regularly suffer from nervous disorders. The central nervous system has not yet fully strengthened, so the child experiences periods of hyperactivity or low mood. And this does not mean at all that you need to keep your baby busy with mugs as much as possible so that there is no time for pampering. Pranks and games are a natural process of growing up. This is how children learn about the world. Remember yourself at their age. Surely you were more naughty.

It’s good to develop, but you shouldn’t cross the boundaries of what is acceptable. Ask yourself a question - is this really what my child wants or is it my personal ambitions? It is clear that every parent wants the best for their child. And he seems to have some experience to judge this. Don't forget that every person is unique. One feels good in ballet school and classical music lessons. Another perceives the world through a palette of colors and sounds of rock.

Spend more time with your children, communicate with them on all sorts of topics. Get to know your child, each personality is unique. And only after knowing the baby well as a person can you choose mugs. Those that are really interesting to him. A parent is, first of all, a friend to his child. Don't forget this.

Methods of raising children

There are a great variety of methodologies for educating the younger generation. And what has been proven over the years is not necessarily good. Many methods are outdated, some have found their “reincarnation” in newfangled methods. It’s not difficult to choose what’s right for you. First of all, analyze how you were raised. Are you happy with everything when you look back at your childhood years later? If the answer is yes, then try to pass on your own experience to your baby. Over time, when the child grows up, he himself will tell you whether you are moving in the right direction or whether it is worth trying new methods.

Remember that your goal is to raise a happy, healthy individual, not complex a man living in his fears. Basic models of raising children:

1. Montesori school. It is based on the idea of ​​independence. The parent gives the child the necessary skills, and then the child does it himself. The child’s individuality develops, the personality learns to independently cope with tasks and emerging problems.
2. Suzuki Music Academy. Professor Suzuki believes that having fallen in love with music as an element of beauty, a child will continue to be drawn to beautiful things and good emotions. You just need to find the key to each one.
3. Believe in your child. This method assumes the baby’s personal preferences. No coercion, strictly at the request of the child. Any children's aspirations and endeavors are supported.
4. The Nikitin system assigns the parent the role of assistant and adviser. The child's freedom is not limited by the parent's word. The elders give advice, but the choice is up to the child.

It is not necessary to take one model as the only correct one. A combination of elements from several different theories is possible. It’s good to supplement them with your own personal observations.

How to raise a child correctly

Remember the basic rules in raising the younger generation and follow them relentlessly:

• The baby should grow up in an atmosphere of love and peace of mind. Of course, it is very difficult to completely control your emotions, but the baby is just learning. He doesn't want to make his mother angry. And even more so, it is not his fault if someone else violated your emotional stability.
• Be responsible for your behavior. Children begin to copy the behavior of adults after 1 year of life. Of course, not consciously yet. Therefore, if your child constantly litters, first of all, reconsider your behavior to see if you are doing the same thing.
• Never respond to a child in a moment of passion. First, calm down, restore your mental balance, then react to childish prank. Kids perceive everything much more sensitively; the words of adults can seriously hurt them.
• Don't put pressure on your child. Give him the opportunity to make his own decision. Who likes to be constantly under pressure and oppression?
• Peace, love and wisdom. This is your child, you love him as he is. Find the strength to be wise and fair.

Mistakes in raising children

The most common mistakes in the educational process:

1. Wrong definition of the volume of love. Very often, parents suffer from overprotection or, conversely, pay too little attention to the baby. Each child has his own love language - gifts, hugs, compliments. Listen to him, he himself will tell you what he needs.
2. Connivance. Excessive freedom and decline in parental authority. With small children you need to have a certain amount of firmness; permissiveness only leads to “putting them on the neck.” But there should be no raising of voice or use of physical force. This will only demonstrate that the child has the upper hand.
3. Doubts. Never doubt your child. He is the best, he will achieve unprecedented heights. That's the only way. Because he is yours. Parental faith is one of the foundations of a child’s mental health.
4. Beyond expectations. Learn to cope with failure. It's natural. Only those who do nothing make no mistakes. Teach your child not to give up, but to rise up and achieve his goal.
5. Learn to hear. Don't just listen to what the little mouth tells you. And really hear, understand, empathize. Learn to respect individuality and all attempts at independence.
6. Don't deceive your child. Do not make promises that you cannot keep in absentia. This destroys the authority of the parent and kills trust. Children must be sure that the parent is an ideal, an absolute.
7. Do not try to feel sorry for the child where it is not necessary. Don’t think, “He’s still too small, stupid, inept. I’ll do it myself.” Children need to be constantly challenged, this is how they develop. You can tell me how to do it right. But it’s not worth taking on anything completely. Children love to help, to be needed, to be useful.
8. Don't indulge. Teach your child that everything good must be earned. Whether it will be a cash equivalent of incentives or in the form of purchases is up to you.
9. Do not strive to fulfill your ambitions with children's hands. As mentioned above, clubs and sections are good when the child is interested in attending them.
10. Today yes, tomorrow no. If you forbid your child to touch the phone, then the ban should be around the clock and from all family members. When dad allows and mom forbids, it’s bad. The baby will only get confused.

When to start raising a child

The answer is simple - from the first days of life. You should not make your child the master of life. Teach immediately that mom is in charge. For example, the baby confused day with night. Place it next to you. If he doesn’t want to sleep, let him lie next to him. It’s warm, cozy and calm with mom. Sooner or later the baby will fall asleep on its own. After a couple of such nights, the regime will stabilize and the child will begin to sleep at night.

Don't let her play with your breasts while breastfeeding. If you start playing, remove the nipple and give it again. It's little things like these that show your authority as a parent. But don't forget about a sense of proportion. The child should not feel oppressed and unwanted. A reasonable combination of love and severity is the key to proper upbringing.

Is it possible to punish children?

There are so many people, so many opinions on this issue. One thing is certain, it is difficult to never resort to this lever of education. To say the least - impossible. A growing person must realize that all actions carry some meaning. In their lives or other living beings. It's one thing to accidentally make a mistake. It’s quite another to deliberately cause some harm.

• When choosing punishments be fair, because your goal is to convey a lesson, and not to break the child’s psyche.
• Be sure to explain what consequences his action had and how they could have been avoided.
• Do not raise your voice or threaten physical harm.
• In each request, stipulate what will happen if the baby obeys, and what will happen if he refuses.
• Don’t take your irritation out on your child, everyone has a bad day and the child has absolutely nothing to do with it.
• Be sure to ask the child why he did this, because children often make mistakes with good intentions.
• Physical punishment should only be used if all other methods have failed, but before that, ask yourself, have you done everything to make sure your child hears you?
• Don't forget about the carrot and stick method. Every good deed should be rewarded with a sweet or a simple kiss.
• Never allow yourself to call names or humiliate a child. This is psychological trauma for life! Self-esteem suffers, and contact with the parent becomes less and less.
• Punishments such as putting in a corner should only be used in cases of serious offenses that entail consequences for health or life. For example, a fight ended with a fracture.
• You should not use ignoring as punishment; this method is only good if there is close emotional contact between the parent and the child. Which the child is afraid of losing. In other cases, this method is not effective.

Raising children: advice from a psychologist

1. Preschool children are best raised through play. Act out a fairy tale in which the main character does not brush his teeth in the morning. And using the example of the hero, explain to the child what consequences this may have and how other children perceive him.
2. Don't forget to show your child your love. Yes, you did a bad thing, you upset me with it. But I still love you. Because you are my son/daughter.
3. Do not underestimate the importance of children's stories and questions. Now you know that the situation is nonsense. For a child this is a personal tragedy. Remember your personal fears and tragedies in preschool and share them with your child.
4. The basis of proper upbringing is trust. The child must be sure that he will always be understood, listened to and helped. That parents are fair and honest.
5. Support any positive hobby your baby has. If you want to paint, buy paints and an easel. If you want to play the guitar, please. This is a process of finding yourself and it is better for it to be successfully completed in childhood.
6. Don't forget to follow the established rules. If you forbid your child to eat sweets before meals, then you should not tease him by eating ice cream before lunch. It's not fair. In order for the rules to be unquestioningly followed, they must be the same for everyone.
7. Respect the child, allow him to show individuality and independence.
8. Be sure to show love in the little things. When you come home from the store, buy an extra sweet treat if your child has put away his toys. Hug and kiss him just like that. Teach your child to express his feelings.
9. Ask your child's opinion. Teach him to make decisions and take responsibility. Start small - what cookies to buy for tea, what color toothbrush.
10. Learn to explain and defend your position. This will help to find consensus in conflicts without punishment.
11. Do not criticize your child in public under any circumstances; all negative aspects are only at home, behind a closed door.
12. Also, don't compare with others. Do you yourself like it when your mother talks about Svetka, who has three higher education degrees and two apartments in the center of Moscow?