Life after the wedding, or what awaits the newlyweds

Many people, especially young and inexperienced people, experience frustration with family life. Often they cannot understand why their sweet soulmate suddenly becomes a demanding despot or a hysterical shrew. It's simple - while a guy and a girl are dating, they strive to demonstrate all their best qualities as a caring head of the family and an economic keeper of the hearth. But as soon as wedding rings are put on the fingers, a new stage begins, it will be thorny and difficult, because people have to lead a common life and jointly solve many issues. How can you preserve your feelings and avoid all the crises of family life?

What family life is fraught with

Most newlyweds live in captivity of their own beliefs about what their marriage should be; in practice, they often break about reality and everyday problems. Here are some of these misconceptions:

• A family- huge work, in some way a duty, which must be served "from call to call." Marriage is really not easy, but if you perceive it only as a need to strain, sooner or later this stress will spill over into stress and depression. Spouse and children should be joyful and fulfilling, allow yourself to relax.
• The scheme husband is a breadwinner - wife is a housewife in a few years can become a serious disappointment, because she is wealthy when the children are small and require a lot of care and time. As soon as they grow up and fly away from the nest, the woman may feel inferior and unclaimed.
• One of the most common myths is that a child will save a marriage. In fact, the relationship that has cracked can only be saved by adults, the appearance of a baby in the family will only aggravate the situation.
• “If he loves, he will understand” is another common misconception. Understand that your spouse does not know how to read minds, it is imperative to discuss all the problems, hushing up will not lead to anything good.

How a woman changes in family life

The first change to which men are no longer able to close their eyes, this is a decrease in the level of self-care. Inexperienced young people realize with horror that their beautiful lady was not at all born with lush eyelashes, healthy blush and neat styling. She wears stretched T-shirts, can go shaggy all day, and forgets about makeup on weekends. Psychologists say - do not forget that a woman is the same person as you are, nothing human is alien to her, and they also recommend agreeing on the style of home clothes and some habits of the second half even before marriage.

The second change is directly related to the behavior of the young wife. From a meek princess, they often turn into a demanding, grumpy and annoying person. And what used to seem like cute whims of a young lady is now terribly annoying. A woman now makes much higher demands on the chosen one, a bouquet of flowers and a trip to a cafe is no longer enough. The girl wants the gallant gentleman to turn into an ideal husband in the blink of an eye, and the discrepancy between desires and reality leads to conflicts.

How a man changes in family life

Some girls live in the confidence that as soon as they tie the knot, the man, as if by magic, will become an ideal companion, give up bad habits and Saturday gatherings in the garage, will strictly follow all her rules, fulfill every whim and earn fabulous money.

In fact, the newly-made husband understands perfectly well that the "booty" is now in his hands, at best he will remember several important dates, wash the dishes on March 8 and give a bouquet on duty on his birthday. Most in the evening, after a hard day, earn extra money as a "guard" of the sofa, believing that all the chores around the house and taking care of the offspring should fall on the fragile shoulders of the spouse. Along the way, they give advice to the right and left, make critical remarks, while expecting love, affection and loyalty from the chosen one.

The first year of living together clearly demonstrates that a man has pretty much lost his love ardor in the process of courtship, and meanwhile the main "work" is just beginning, the relationship in a couple should be built gradually, go to a new level, which includes a certain degree of understanding and material well-being.

Family life crises

Psychologists assure that crises in different periods of life together are normal phenomena, because the cell of society should not be static, it certainly develops and goes through a number of tests before moving to a new level of relations. The main thing is to recognize them in time and take action to eliminate them.

In each family crises proceed according to their individual scheme, moreover, in the so-called marriages of convenience, they are practically invisible, and where passions are raging and people have strong emotions for each other, such periods are very difficult, sometimes up to divorce.

Experts note only 6 crises in family life, each of them has its own distinctive features and ways of eliminating.

• Statistics say that about half of marriages break up precisely in the first year of family life, usually this happens to couples who met little before the wedding and did not study each other enough. Few are ready for the fact that the family is not an eternal holiday, but household chores and everyday work.
• After 3-5 years of marriage, most couples "rub in" to each other, but a new circumstance arises - the birth of a child, then everything that you are used to becomes upside down. The usual way of life is changing, you have to take care of a new family member and provide a decent material level. At this moment, alienation arises at the psychological level, because much less often there is an opportunity to be alone.
• The reason for the crisis of 7-9 years is often routine, even though everyday life has long been established, dreams of family happiness are a thing of the past for many, and marriage is built only on the joint upbringing of offspring. The time has come for disappointments and the thought that nothing better will be in your life.
• After 16-20 years of living together, marriage may overtake another crisis associated with grown-up children. Teenagers often conflict with their parents, and at this moment you need to support each other in order not to miss the important moment of raising an almost adult child.
• After the spouses reach the age of 50, new problems arise - the children finally grew up and flew out of the nest. There is a lot of free time that needs to be spent somehow, because before it was spent on caring for the child.
• After retirement, people often feel uncomfortable, this cannot but affect family life. This is due to the fact that people are a little knocked out of their usual rut, the former circle of contacts has been lost, and it is necessary to make efforts on oneself so as not to “get lost” in life.