7 main factors that spoil a relationship

No married couple can boast that there are never any quarrels in their home. But there are not so many real reasons for scandals, where two loving people scatter insults and raise their voices at each other. It is the lack of resolution of these reasons, which are often far-fetched, that carries a particular danger for the family.

Quarrels in the family

Psychologists share everything family conflicts into two categories:

• household quarrels about unwashed dishes, scattered things, etc.
• more global, associated with a difference in temperament and outlook on life.

Regardless of the reason for the misunderstanding, try to follow a few simple rules to avoid conflict:

1. Do not bring negativity home, return to your family only with positive emotions, leaving everything bad outside the door of the apartment. If you still want to quarrel with your household, remember that they are not to blame for your bad mood, it is better to hug them and say a kind word.
2. To understand the reason for the dissatisfaction, speak clearly and to the point, avoiding hints.
3. During any hot scandal, watch your words. In the heat of anger, you can greatly offend your loved one.
4. Do not listen to the advice of parents and friends, always deal with the conflict in private.
5. Do not suppress your emotions, otherwise there will be an explosion - solve problems in a timely manner.

Suspicion

If all other causes of problems in a married couple have a real background, then mistrust between spouses is often of an irrational nature and is based on past negative experiences. Nevertheless, the suspicion of a husband or wife has a strong influence on the psyche, becoming a constant cause for quarrels and discord, in the end, destroying the relationship.

Another question is if the mistrust of a spouse is caused by improper behavior, for example, if you have already been noticed in lying, betrayal and treason before. In the case when the other half decides to forgive the mistakes of the past and forget all the troubles, gradually the atmosphere in the family can improve. But it happens that despite all the efforts of both, the offended side cannot overcome itself and stop suspecting the partner of betrayal.

In women, the reason for mistrust is often the model of relations with men of her own mother, where the mother, without hesitation, expressed her claims to her ex-husband. All the disadvantages of an incomplete family and the negative attitude towards the stronger sex, the little girl, having matured, transfers to her family, where jealousy becomes pathological.

Another psychological basis for suspicion in the family can be "muffling" baby in early childhood, when parents tell the baby that he is worthless, clumsy and good for nothing. Having become an adult, such a person will not be able to believe in the sincerity of someone's feelings and will see deception everywhere and everywhere.

Try to sit down again and discuss everything with a cold head. Yes, a loved one stumbled, but perhaps now there is no reason for suspicion and the negative aftermath from his act is to blame? Remember that mistrust kills even the strongest feelings, and the marriage ends up falling apart.

Flirting

The playful attitude of a husband or wife towards people of the opposite sex is another good reason to make a family scandal. As a rule, the offended side here is a woman who does not want to put up with the cheeky behavior of her betrothed.

If you cannot explain to your spouse that he is hurting you, try to act with his own weapon - allow yourself a moderate coquetry on the side, just do not overdo it, otherwise the result may be disastrous.

Psychologists argue that light flirting is not at all a betrayal and not even a prerequisite for it, but an excellent opportunity to make the relationship stronger. A long-term marriage dulls feelings and the spouses feel that the other half will not go anywhere from them. But as soon as a hypothetical rival or rival appears on the horizon, passions in a pair immediately heat up to the limit and again there is an opportunity to feel loved, in demand and remember what kind of treasure they got.

However, you should not go beyond the boundaries of what is permissible, when dealing with the opposite sex, first of all think about what your loved one will think about all this.

Infidelity

The reasons for women's and men's betrayal in marriage are significantly different, but the experiences of betrayal, as a rule, remain a thorn in the heart of any person, regardless of gender and the number of years lived.

Ladies quite often cheat on the second half only in thoughts, in fantasies, while representatives of the stronger sex often embody these fantasies in reality - the number of male betrayals after the official creation of a family reaches 75%, according to statistics. So what are the "males" guided by, starting a new passion?

1. Banal boredom. When the passions of the candy-bouquet period subside and they are replaced by everyday routine and monotonous everyday life, sooner or later a man may be drawn to new adventures. Unbeknownst to his family, he periodically leaves a quiet haven for a portion of adrenaline, and after having plenty of rest, he returns home again.
2. Lack of understanding... The responsibility for treason does not always fall entirely on the shoulders of a man, because women also love to sin by criticizing their spouse, making claims to him, sometimes completely unfounded. Subconsciously, he begins to look for the complete opposite of a grumpy and eternally unhappy wife and finds comfort in the arms of another. In this case, the sexual relationship may well develop into strong feelings, then the family, alas, will be destroyed through the fault of both parties.
3. Revenge. There is a type of people who experienced a love drama in their youth, thus receiving a real psychological trauma. Even after getting married and having children, some men continue to avenge their offense, cheating on their wife again and again, and doing it for show so that everyone knows about adultery. It is a real pleasure for them to watch how their victim is tormented. If the spouse turns out to be stronger than him morally, then he takes it out on his mistress.
4. Don Juan syndrome. There is a small percentage of men who have a mental disorder, which is expressed in the constant search for a sexual partner. As a rule, they do not stay married for long, since there are few women who are ready to put up with such behavior.
5. Middle age crisis. After forty years, most males experience a decrease in libido and erection problems. By getting themselves a young mistress, they hope to prolong their youth and prove to everyone that they still want and can.

In order to understand the motives of female adultery, it is necessary to take into account many points - from the psychological state to external factors. According to the girls themselves, the main reasons for treason are:

• insufficient material support by the spouse;
• underestimation of her personal qualities;
• total control of the second half;
• revenge for male infidelity;
• lack of understanding, constant quarrels in the family;
• search for the ideal;
• desire to diversify life and bring novelty.

Lack of sex

Official statistics show that about 10% of married couples live without sex at all, or it happens very rarely, while the spouses do not cheat on each other. Psychologists assure that sooner or later such a marriage will come to an end, because a full-fledged intimate relationship in a couple can smooth out many conflicts and misunderstandings, while the lack of sex only aggravates an already difficult situation.

If a Man lives without sex for a long time, he has self-doubt, fear of failure, and the fear of failure, in turn, undermines health - physical and mental. A woman also does not benefit from long abstinence, she becomes irritable and unhappy with everything. What to do? To begin with, take the situation into your own hands, have a heart-to-heart talk and find out the reasons for unwillingness, and they can be completely different.

1. Regular sexual relations that bring joy to both parties are the foundation of a strong relationship. If the spouses have claims to each other about this, it is imperative to work on themselves, otherwise the problems will grow like a snowball. Learn to please each other.
2. Real incompatibility in sex can only be in physical terms. Everything else is just an inability to communicate on intimate topics. Even if you grew up in severity, try to explain the essence of the problem as it is. If necessary, contact a specialist who, without touching on a sensitive topic, will help you find a way out.
3. Do not forget about the difference in temperaments, take your partner's character traits for granted.
4. Decide for yourself if you need a partner, should you save your marriage and force yourself to seduce your spouse again? Perhaps the reason for the reluctance lies in the fact that you have long wanted new sexual experiences on the side? Problem intimacy solvable, like everyone else, you just have to find a compromise.

Manipulation

It is no secret that any communication is an attempt to control others for the sake of achieving one's own benefit and goal. Family relationships are no exception, in them, interacting with each other, we also try to influence the desires and behavior of people close to us, and when we cannot agree peacefully, we try to achieve our goal with the help of certain manipulations... It is impossible to avoid managing in marriage, but you need to learn how to do it without hurting or destroying the family.

Types of manipulations in the family:

1. One of the toughest manipulative actions is "Do as I want, otherwise I will not love you." This type of management can also be attributed to communication with children, when parents, without realizing it, bring up an insecure person who is unable to love himself for who he is.
2. Another impact on partner's insecurity when husband or the wife demonstrates her power and is constantly reminded that the other half is not capable of anything alone.
3. One of the favorite female ways of manipulation is instilling a sense of guilt, because it is much easier to manage a man who feels guilty about himself.
4. Pity pressure is used by both sexes. It is not at all necessary to talk about it, it is enough to look unhappy to get what you want from the chosen one.

Excessive control

Many family people complain about the excessive control of the second half, when literally every step of theirs is strictly monitored, phones and social networks are regularly checked, and annoying calls with or without begin to frankly annoy.

On the one hand, a certain amount of control in marriage is quite appropriate, because it is an expression of a certain kind of care and attention. But at the same time, due to total surveillance, relations in the family deteriorate. How to understand where is the line that should not be crossed?

First, you need to figure out what exactly control is expressed in. This may be an attempt to correct a loved one, "crush" him under himself, then it is not surprising if the "victim" sooner or later simply cannot withstand such an onslaught. A more harmless type of control is excessive concern for a loved one, when a spouse takes care of his health every minute and gives countless advice about any area of ​​life. At first, such participation may even flatter, but later it begins to strain, becoming the reason quarrels and disputes.

You need to understand that some people do not even notice the mistakes associated with excessive control, then they need to hint at this. Others are quite aware that they are doing wrong, but cannot do anything about it, believing that this is how they show their feelings. Here are some tips to help you improve yourself and eliminate some of the conflicts in your family:

1. Do not try to remake the chosen one, accept him as he is.
2. Put yourself in the shoes of a loved one, whether you like these attempts to control you or seem offensive.
3. Think about how to get what you want without pressure and manipulation, show wisdom.
4. Take it for granted that a loved one may have an opinion that does not coincide with yours. Let him go, give him more freedom, he will definitely appreciate it.