7 main factors that ruin relationships

Not a single married couple can boast that there are never quarrels in their home. But there are not so many real reasons for scandals, where two loving people hurl insults and raise their voices at each other. It is the unresolved nature of these reasons, which are often far-fetched, that poses a particular danger to the family.

Quarrels in the family

Psychologists share everything family conflicts into two categories:

• domestic quarrels over unwashed dishes, scattered things, etc.;
• more global, associated with differences in temperament and outlook on life.

Regardless of the reason for the misunderstanding, try to follow a few simple rules to avoid conflict:

1. Don’t bring negativity home, return to your family only with positive emotions, leaving all the bad things outside the apartment door. If you still want to have a row with your household, remember that they are not to blame for your bad mood, it’s better to hug them and say a kind word.
2. To make the reason for dissatisfaction clear, speak clearly and to the point, avoiding hints.
3. During any heated scandal, watch your words. In the heat of anger, you can greatly offend your loved one.
4. Do not listen to the advice of parents and friends, always deal with the conflict in private.
5. Don't suppress your emotions, otherwise an explosion will happen - solve problems in a timely manner.

Suspiciousness

If all other reasons for problems in a married couple have a real basis, then the mistrust between spouses is often irrational in nature and based on past negative experiences. However, the suspicion of a husband or wife has a strong impact on the psyche, becoming a constant cause for quarrels and discord, ultimately destroying the relationship.

Another question is if your spouse’s mistrust is caused by incorrect behavior, for example, if you have previously been found to be lying, betraying and cheating. In the case when the other half decides to forgive the mistakes of the past and forget all the troubles, the atmosphere in the family can gradually improve. But it happens that despite all the efforts of both, the offended party fails to overcome himself and stop suspecting his partner of betrayal.

For women, the reason for mistrust is often the model of relationships with men of her own mother, where the mother did not hesitate to express complaints to her ex-husband. Having matured, the little girl transfers all the disadvantages of an incomplete family and negativity towards the stronger sex to her family, where jealousy becomes pathological.

Another psychological basis for suspicion in the family may be “silencing” baby in early childhood, when parents tell the child that he is worthless, clumsy and good for nothing. As an adult, such a person will not be able to believe in the sincerity of someone’s feelings and will see deception everywhere.

Try to sit down again and discuss everything with a “cool” head. Yes, a loved one stumbled, but perhaps now there is no reason for suspicion and the negative aftertaste from his action is to blame? Don't forget that mistrust kills even the strongest feelings, and the marriage eventually breaks up.

Flirting

The playful attitude of a husband or wife towards people of the opposite sex is another good reason to start a family scandal. As a rule, the offended party here is the woman who does not want to put up with the cheeky behavior of her betrothed.

If you can’t explain to your spouse that he is hurting you, try using his own weapons - allow yourself moderate coquetry on the side, just don’t overdo it, otherwise the result may be disastrous.

Psychologists say that light flirting is not cheating at all, or even a prerequisite for it, but an excellent opportunity to make relationships stronger. A long-term marriage dulls feelings and the spouses feel that the other half will not escape from them. But as soon as a hypothetical rival or rival appears on the horizon, the passions in the couple immediately heat up to the limit and the opportunity again arises to feel loved, in demand and remember what a treasure they got.

However, you should not cross the boundaries of what is permitted; when communicating with the opposite sex, first of all think about what your loved one will think about all this.

Treason

The reasons for female and male infidelity in marriage differ significantly, but the experience of betrayal, as a rule, remains a thorn in the heart of any person, regardless of gender and the number of years lived.

Ladies quite often cheat on their other half only in their thoughts, in fantasies, while representatives of the stronger sex often translate these fantasies into reality - the number of male infidelities after the official creation of a family reaches 75%, according to statistics. So what are “males” guided by when starting a new passion?

1. Banal boredom. When the passions of the candy-bouquet period subside and are replaced by everyday routine and monotonous everyday life, sooner or later a man may be drawn to new adventures. Secretly from his family, he periodically leaves a quiet haven for a dose of adrenaline, and after having had plenty of rest, he returns home again.
2. Absence understanding. The responsibility for betrayal does not always fall entirely on the shoulders of the man, because women also like to sin by criticizing their spouse and making claims to him, sometimes completely unfounded. Subconsciously, he begins to look for the complete opposite of his grumpy and always dissatisfied wife and finds solace in the arms of another. In this case, a sexual relationship may well develop into strong feelings, then the family, alas, will be destroyed through the fault of both parties.
3. Revenge. There is a type of people who experienced a love drama in their youth, thus receiving real psychological trauma. Even after getting married and having children, some men continue to take revenge for the insult, cheating on their wife again and again, and doing it for show so that everyone knows about adultery. It gives them real pleasure to watch their victims suffer. If his wife turns out to be stronger than him morally, then he takes it out on his mistress.
4. “Don Juan” syndrome. There is a small percentage of men who have a mental disorder that results in a constant search for a sexual partner. As a rule, they do not stay married for long, since there are few women willing to put up with such behavior.
5. Midlife crisis. After forty years, most males experience a decrease in libido and problems with erection. By taking a young mistress, they hope to prolong their youth and prove to everyone that they still want and can.

In order to understand the motives for female adultery, it is necessary to take into account many points - from the psychological state to external factors. According to the girls themselves, the main reasons for cheating are:

• insufficient financial support by the spouse;
• underestimation of her personal qualities;
• total control of the second half;
• revenge for male infidelity;
• lack of mutual understanding, constant quarrels in the family;
• search for an ideal;
• the desire to diversify life and introduce novelty.

Lack of sex

Official statistics show that about 10% of married couples live without sex at all, or it happens extremely rarely, and the spouses do not cheat on each other. Psychologists assure that sooner or later such a marriage will come to an end, because full-fledged intimate relationships in a couple can smooth out many conflicts and misunderstandings, while the absence of sex only aggravates an already difficult situation.

If man lives for a long time without sex, he develops self-doubt, fear of failure, and the fear of failure, in turn, undermines his health - physical and mental. A woman also does not benefit from long-term abstinence; she becomes irritable and dissatisfied with everything. What to do? First, take the situation into your own hands, have a heart-to-heart talk and find out the reasons for the reluctance, and they can be completely different.

1. Regular sexual relations that bring joy to both parties are the foundation of a strong relationship. If spouses have complaints against each other about this, they definitely need to work on themselves, otherwise the problems will grow like a snowball. Learn to please each other.
2. True incompatibility in sex can only be based on physical indicators. Everything else is just an inability to communicate on intimate topics. Even if you grew up strict, try to explain the essence of the problem as it is. If necessary, contact a specialist who, without touching on a sensitive topic, will help you find a way out.
3. Do not forget about the difference in temperaments, take your partner’s character traits as a given.
4. Decide for yourself whether you need a partner, is it worth saving the marriage and forcing yourself to seduce your spouse again? Perhaps the reason for your reluctance lies in the fact that you have long wanted new sexual experiences on the side? Problem intimacy solvable, like all others, you just have to find a compromise.

Manipulation

It's no secret that any communication is an attempt to control others to achieve your own benefit and goal. Family relationships are no exception; in them, interacting with each other, we also try to influence the desires and behavior of people close to us, and when we cannot reach an agreement peacefully, we try to achieve our goal with the help of certain manipulation. It is impossible to avoid control in marriage, but you need to learn to do it without causing pain or destroying the family.

Types of manipulations in the family:

1. One of the most severe manipulative actions is “Do as I want, otherwise I will not love you.” This type of management can also be applied to communication with children, when parents, without realizing it, raise an insecure person who is unable to love himself for who he is.
2. Another impact on a partner's insecurity is when husband or the wife demonstrates her power and constantly reminds that the other half is not capable of anything alone.
3. One of women’s favorite methods of manipulation is instilling a feeling of guilt, because a man who feels guilty is much easier to control.
4. Pressure for pity is used by representatives of both sexes. It is not at all necessary to talk about it, it is enough to look unhappy to get what you want from your chosen one.

Excessive control

Many family people complain about excessive control of the other half, when literally every step is strictly monitored, phones and social networks are regularly checked, and annoying calls with or without reason begin to be downright annoying.

On the one hand, a certain amount of control in marriage is quite appropriate, because it is an expression of a certain kind of care and attention. But at the same time, due to total surveillance, family relationships deteriorate. How to understand where is the line that should not be crossed?

First, you need to understand what exactly control is expressed in. This may be an attempt to correct a loved one, to “crush” him under oneself, then it is not surprising if, sooner or later, the “victim” simply cannot withstand such an onslaught. A more harmless type of control is excessive care for a loved one, when a spouse worries about his health every minute and gives countless advice about any area of ​​life. At first, such participation may even be flattering, but later it begins to strain, becoming a reason quarrels and disputes.

You must understand that some people do not even notice the mistakes associated with excessive control, then you need to hint them about it. Others are fully aware that they are doing wrong, but cannot do anything about it, believing that this is how they show their feelings. Here are some tips that you can follow to help you improve yourself and eliminate some of the conflicts in your family:

1. Don't try to change your chosen one, accept him as he is.
2. Put yourself in the shoes of your loved one, whether you like such attempts to control you or find it offensive.
3. Think about how to get what you want without pressure and manipulation, be wise.
4. Take it for granted that a loved one may have an opinion that does not coincide with yours. Let him go, give him more freedom, he will definitely appreciate it.