"I will not give offense": Hyperprotection - how to recognize and stop
How often do modern women sigh “Where are the knights? Probably all of them have been translated. Only mama's sons remained. " Without thinking at all that we ourselves are raising these infantile and incapable of actions men. This article will tell you why overprotection is dangerous and how to stop it.
Content
Hyper-care - what is it and how to recognize it
Alert symptoms include:
- increased love;
- fear for the health and life of the baby;
- the desire to protect even from broken knees;
- predicting the next movement in order to prevent trouble;
- increased attention to any aspects of the child's life;
- all the parent's free time is devoted to the baby, especially if the parent does not work.
What is it about this, every parent loves and pampers their child, you might say. And you will be right. Only in hyperprotection syndrome do these feelings go beyond simple love. It is rather a phobia, an obsession to protect, not to give to anyone.
Of course, every normal parent wants to constantly be close to his child and protect him from any hardships. Only at the same time, parents often forget that mistakes are the path to growing up. Without making mistakes, it is impossible to learn something. You can endlessly listen to other people's stories, let them pass through yourself. But it is better to stumble once, to draw conclusions. This will save you from repeating the same mistake in the future and will help you to think more carefully about your actions in another situation.
The first "alarming" bell of overprotection is the opinion that the other person is absolutely helpless. Well, if the question concerns baby... It is really relevant at some age. But often we begin to take care of an adult. For example, a man. We save him from bad emotions, we do not want to strain him once again with our problems and requests. But the nature of a man is precisely to be a protection for a woman. He must be able to solve problems. Both their own and their women. And if he does not do this, a feeling of dissatisfaction with himself as a man awakens in him. One gets the feeling that he is not important - "And since it is not important, I will go and lie on the sofa, under a pile of blankets."
What is fraught with overprotection in education
The consequences of being overprotective are sometimes frightening. Do not underestimate universal love, it really destroys lives and deprives a person of the right to happiness.
What the excessive guardianship “gives”:
- A person does not learn to act independently, to make decisions.
- Overly guarded people find it difficult to make contact with strangers. They are closed to everyone and do not seek contact themselves. Because they are used to it - the parents themselves will bring the right person to them.
- Backlog in development... When other babies have given up on diapers altogether, overprotected babies still suckle. pacifier.
- Lack of skills have fun or do your own homework. The full attention of the parents is required.
- Socialization problems, lack of necessary skills for independent living in school.
- Complete "profanity" in adulthood is observed at an older age. Such people are not interested in where the money comes from, they do not know their value.
- Problems with the opposite sex.
- Spoiledness.
- Confidence in its complete impunity- after all, parents will solve all the problems, save, "cover".
- But, as a rule, such people are well developed intellectually and spiritually. After all, parents spent a lot of time on their development.
The reasons causing the desire for overprotection from an adult:
- Lack of attention to them in childhood and the desire to "give" the child everything that they themselves were deprived of.
- Carefree life parents- financial well-being, well-organized life.
- The baby arrived late or relations between the spouses "cooled down".
- False humanity, a conscious unwillingness to force a child to do anything. Only in this case, the parents forget that the baby still does not know how to do anything and the initiative cannot be expected from him - he simply does not know that this is possible.
- Parental laziness - it's easier to do it yourself than to explain to the child how to treat his mistakes correctly and patiently.
Hyper-care - how to prevent it 
Loving a child is good, and no one will argue with that. But it is worth remembering prudence. He is a different person, he has his own life. Yes, he is part of you. But not you, not your slave or property. Understand that the desire to protect is good. But it should work in moderation. If a person does not do anything by himself, he will not get experience. And if there is no experience, where does the knowledge of how to do the right thing come from? From books? Only a personal example will allow a person to fully realize and feel the situation.
As adults, such total parental control will trigger waves of ridicule from peers. Every person wants to be respected, to have some kind of authority in their company. And what credibility can a person earn, whom his mother takes to school by the hand up to grade 11 and helps with lessons? That's right, the title of the first whiner and mother's son.
More often than not, a child tortured by attention, having escaped from the total control of his parents, hits all the "grave" ones. He is trying to make up for what he was deprived of at the right time. Begins to drink, smoke, try drugs, change sexual partners at the speed of light. And rarely does anyone manage to realize the "charm" of such a way of life in time. More often than not, such people no longer return "to the true path."
Love your children, be their support, but do not interfere with their lives. It is better to help get out of the hole, but do not deprive you of invaluable experience. You should also not completely let go of your importance in the life of the baby. Lack of attention no better than its heightened opposite.
