“I won’t let you offend me”: Hyperprotection - how to recognize and stop
How often do modern women sigh, “Where are the knights? Probably everyone has transferred. Only mama’s boys left.” Without thinking at all that we ourselves are raising these infantile men who are incapable of action. This article will tell you why overprotection is dangerous and how to stop it.
Contents
Hyperprotection - what is it and how to recognize it
Symptoms of increased attention include signs such as:
- increased love;
- fear for the health and life of the baby;
- the desire to protect even from broken knees;
- predicting the next move in order to prevent trouble;
- increased attention to any aspect of the child’s life;
- All the parent’s free time is devoted to the baby, especially if the parents do not work.
What’s wrong with this, every parent loves and pampers their child, you say. And you'll be right. Only with overprotection syndrome do these feelings go beyond simple love. It’s more of a phobia, an obsession to protect, not to give to anyone.
Of course, every normal parent wants to constantly be close to their child and protect him from any adversity. Only in this case, parents often forget that mistakes are the way of growing up. Without making mistakes, it is impossible to learn something. You can endlessly listen to other people’s stories and let them pass through yourself. But it’s better to stumble once and draw conclusions. This will prevent you from repeating the same mistake in the future and will help you think more carefully about your actions in another situation.
The first “alarm” bell of overprotection is the opinion that the other person is absolutely helpless. It's good if the question concerns baby. It really is relevant at some age. But often we begin to take care of an adult. For example, a man. We protect him from bad emotions, we don’t want to strain him once again with our problems and requests. But the nature of a man is precisely to be a protection for a woman. He must be able to solve problems. Both yours and your woman’s. And if he doesn’t do this, a feeling of dissatisfaction with himself as a man awakens in him. One gets the feeling that he is not important - “And since he is not important, I’ll go and lie on the sofa, under a mountain of blankets.”
What are the consequences of overprotection in education?
The consequences of overprotection are sometimes frightening. Do not underestimate universal love, it really destroys lives and deprives a person of the right to happiness.
What does excessive guardianship “give”:
- A person does not learn to act independently and make decisions.
- Overly protective people find it difficult to make contact with strangers. They are closed to everyone and do not seek contact themselves. Because they are used to it - parents themselves will bring the right person to them.
- Lag in development. When other children have already completely abandoned diapers, babies under overprotection are still sucking pacifier.
- Absence skills have fun or do homework on your own. Full parental attention is required.
- Problems with socialization, no necessary skills for independent living in school.
- Complete “profanity” in adult life is observed at an older age. Such people are not interested in where the money comes from; they don’t know its value.
- Problems with the opposite sex.
- Spoiled.
- Confidence in your complete impunity - after all, parents will solve all problems, save, “cover.” But, as a rule, such people are well developed intellectually and spiritually. After all, parents spent a lot of time on their development.
- Reasons for wanting overprotection from an adult:
Lack of attention to themselves in childhood and the desire to “add” to the child everything that they themselves were deprived of.
- Carefree life
- parents - financial well-being, a comfortable life. The baby arrived late or
- relationship things have cooled down between the spouses. False humanity, a conscious reluctance to force a child to do anything. Only in this case, parents forget that the baby still doesn’t know how to do anything and they can’t expect initiative from him - he just doesn’t know that this is possible.
- Parental laziness is easier to do yourself than to explain to your child how to treat his mistakes correctly and patiently.
Overprotection - how to prevent it 
Loving a child is good, and no one can argue with that. But it is worth remembering to be prudent. He is a different person, he has his own life. Yes, he is a part of you. But not you, not your slave or property. Understand that the desire to save is good. But it should work in moderation. If a person does not do anything himself, he will not gain experience. And if there is no experience, where will the knowledge about how to do the right thing come from? From books? Only a personal example will allow a person to fully understand and feel the situation.
In adulthood, such total parental control will cause waves of ridicule from peers. Every person wants to be respected and have some kind of authority in their company. And what kind of authority can a person earn if his mother takes him to school by the hand until the 11th grade and helps with his homework? That's right, the title of the first whiner and mother's son.
Most often, a child, tormented by attention, having escaped from the total control of his parents, gets into all kinds of bad things. Trying to make up for what he was deprived of at the right time. He starts drinking, smoking, trying drugs, changing sexual partners at the speed of light. And rarely does anyone manage to realize the “charm” of such a lifestyle. Most often, such people no longer return “to the true path.”
Love your children, be their support, but do not interfere with their lives. Better help them get out of the hole, but don’t deprive them of invaluable experience. You should also not completely release your importance in your child’s life. Absence attention no better than its heightened opposite.
